While some people are worried about where to find dating prospects, others are more concerned about how to turn away unwanted prospects. This can be quite daunting for the person who feels compelled to be nice. From childhood most women are instructed in good manners and the grave importance of being nice above all else, which can make it nearly impossible to deliver a message of rejection. But, let’s be realistic. How can you expect to survive dating, without being able to say “No” to any number of requests?
Here’s a classic scenario. Imagine you are having a glass of wine for your first face-to-face date. The conversation hasn’t been flowing so easily and your brain is working overtime thinking of excuses why you don’t want to see him again. Whether he asks to see you again before leaving the table or as he walks you to the car, the anticipation of how you’ll respond is mounting. What’s a nice girl to do?
Below, you’ll find a list of 10 ways to say “No thank you” with kindness and grace. Preparing a few key phrases in advance will help you to feel more confident about your ability to escape unwanted situations. Practice the lines that work best for you and feel the most comfortable. This proactive approach will calm your nerves and help you to feel more in control. When you’re ready with answers, you’ll be less likely to get caught off guard!
Here are 10 kind ways to say “No” to a man’s request for a second date (or first!)
1. This was nice, but the chemistry I’m looking for isn’t quite there.
2. I enjoyed our time together, but the spark just isn’t there for me.
3. I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t feel that certain something I’m looking for.
4. Thanks so much, but I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing.
5. This has been fun, but we have very different ways of looking at the world.
6. I enjoyed talking to you, but we don’t share enough of the same interests.
7. Thanks for the coffee, but I don’t think we share the same outlook on life.
8. I had a nice time, but I’m looking for something more serious.
9. It was nice talking to you, but I don’t think it’s in the stars for us.
10. I appreciate the offer, but no thanks.
As you can see from this list, there is a structure to each statement. Begin with a pleasant comment, mentioning something you did enjoy, then segue into a vague comment on what’s not quite right. Be sure to keep your comments focused on yourself and refrain from criticizing your date in anyway. This makes your rejection impossible to argue with, a quality that will pave the way for a smoother exit.
Lastly, do your best to avoid defending your decision or explaining it in more detail. That weakens the boundary you have just bravely established. If your date keeps pushing for more information, don’t feel you must respond with anything more than reiterating your original statement. You don’t owe anyone anything and the less said during rejection, the better. If you do run into a guy who wants to discuss what he can do to change or improve, simply restate your decision and then feel free to get up and walk away.
Saying no is not always easy, but it can be done with grace while minimizing the impact of pain you inflict. When dating, no one can escape a certain degree of rejection. It’s just part of the territory and everyone knows it’s bound to happen once in a while. Get used to saying “No” and move on to find the right man for you.