Knowing that the step-family is a unit merged from element of other families helps a person understand there will be conflict in the new home. It also is important to note there is a big difference in knowing that and understanding the source of the conflict. If a person understands that, he or she often can control the situation before it gets out of hand. Unlike the first, couples uniting in a second marriage arrive at the altar from completely different background. In the first marriage couples probably came from families of more or less the same financial status, attended the same school or college, and were brought up in the same faith.
Couple of second marriage meet through every possible circumstance, and often have little awareness of each others backgrounds. "We work at the same office day-in day-out, I see how Charles handles himself, and I know we'll be compatible." a marriage.
In a recent conversation, Diane advised, "The biggest obstacle in my marriage to Charles is our background differences. , and then all at once there's this big barrier. " Children do not needlessly add to the problem, but they are more lives affected by the dilemmas background and attitude problems can create.
Secretaries marry bosses and doctors marry nurses, but while that may give the new wives more or less equal financial status with their successful husband, it can not give them similar background. Financially they may be compatible, but educationally, even culturally, they might be divided apart.
Ethnic boundaries no longer exist for many Americans, and interracial marriages have become accepted in many communities. How ever, such differences between the marriage partners lie at the heart of many problems in new blended families. After the marriage, their love may be strong and enduring enough to enable them to work through problems created by background differences.
But what about the children?
They're not in love. They have just emerged from a broken home which has devastated their lives. The new marriage has terminated any chance for reconciliation and they are not excited about solving any problems. In the creation of a new step-family, there are more lives involved that just two adult getting in the married. "I do not care how much you love him," fifteen-year-old Janet argued with her mother, "he no good for us."
Many divorced parent see the importance of remaining in the same neighborhood, or as close as possible, so children can make the adjustment from the broken home gradually. These adjustments are made all the more difficult if the second marriage forces them into completely different surrounding.
With background difference as the root cause of so many step-family problems, I saw the need to divide this chapter into three specific categories: Reaction from the child, identifying the problem, and solutions. Since no two blended families will encounter the same situations it would be impossible to give example to every crisis. However, there should be enough broadly-applicable material here to assist families in their search for family harmony and a successful marriage. Being prepared will not solve or alleviate all problems, but it can help a parent neutralize a major crisis.